do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just want to make out with him forever
you never un-have a 4some
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
