You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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