dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
