i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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