I think scott just propositioned me for sex
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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