you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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