you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
