thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
