those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
