I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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