I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
