i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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