It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
