I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
