Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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