3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
