when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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