I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
