I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You are the jesus of drinking
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
