I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
