my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
