My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
