Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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