Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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