Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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