The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am available for nakedness
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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