this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
