I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
