Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I should be sponsored by Trojan
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
