Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
