I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize