my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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