Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize