I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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