He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
