vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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