If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
