Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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