Christians are straight up FREAKS
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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