its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
