And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
