wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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