K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
