Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
