did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
