im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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