I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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