Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
