so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
