i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
