Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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