I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
