At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
