Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
