Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
