Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
