I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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