I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
