she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize