I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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