There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
