dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The power of my boobs compel you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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