yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
