Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
