Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
