i just had sex bonerless
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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