Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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