Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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